


Curse of the Soldier

by mangomoon



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hydra, Memory Loss, No Smut, reader with powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-08-11 02:12:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16466729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangomoon/pseuds/mangomoon
Summary: When the Reader escapes HYDRA and is taken in by the Avengers, how will she react to seeing her old love? And what will she do when he doesn't remember her?





	1. Chapter 1

_You ran as fast as you could, your lungs gasping for air. You wished you could do what you were meant to do, take to the sky and fly away. But they had shot you, they had ruined the one perfection you had._

_You kept running, but adrenaline could only work for so long. You looked behind you for a split second, and when you turned around, you toppled over a cliff and hit your head on a rock. And then saw nothing._

* * *

You woke up in a hospital bed, your head aching. As you looked around you saw a tall Korean woman in a lab coat. When she saw you were awake, she smiled, “Welcome back. You’re lucky I was in town, because Dr. Banner was taking a small vacation to do some research.”

You didn’t answer, not sure if you could trust them. Trying to raise your hands to clutch your aching head, when you realized they were stuck in manacles.

The door opened, and though it was quiet, you heard it. You saw four people walk in. A shorter redhead, whose eyes scanned you quickly. Behind her was a man with short brown hair and strange colorful glasses. He was tapping on a tablet of some kind. And behind them were two tall muscular men. One of them had short blonde hair and a clean-shaven face. The other- _James._

You hid your shock, and shrunk into the covers, not knowing who these people were. If James was here, then this could all be another trick that HYDRA had pulled.

You noticed his left arm had changed. The red star was gone and where there was a silver metal, there was also black and gold mixed in.

They all looked among themselves, seeming to argue with their eyes, and then the women stepped forward, her eyes kind. But you had seen kind eyes before, and watched them turn black with hatred.

“Hey, we’re here to help you. We know what you’ve been through, and we want to help.”

Your eyes flashed between them before landing on James. His eyes had no recognition in them, as if you were a stranger.

“You need to tell us what you know. Why did HYDRA have you?”

You flinched at the name of the organization, and shrunk back as far as the manacles would let you. You felt the memories hit you like a wave. You bore a curse opposite to HYDRA’s Fist. You were forced to remember everything.

James put a hand on the woman’s shoulder, and she pulled back. You felt a feeling you hadn’t felt in years-Jealousy.

The blonde spoke up, “I know you’re scared. My name is Steve, this is Tony, Natasha, and James. We’re part of the Avengers and-.”

Your eyes widened in recognition and he stopped. You had been taught about the Avengers. You had been told exactly what to do with the Avengers. But you would not, you could not.

You refused.

James stepped forward, “I know what you’re feeling. Confusion and pain, anger and fear. HYDRA had me too. I don’t know what they told you about us, but...it’s not true.”

“I know who you are, Soldat.” you said, your voice hoarse from little use.

James flinched at the name, “I’m not him anymore. I’m free from that.”

“Are we ever free?”

You regretted it as soon as you said it, feeling the pain roll off him. You wished you could take it back, you wished you could take away his pain.

He didn’t remember you, and you wished you could share the same curse as him. Because if he didn’t remember you, you had nothing left.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pain keeps growing and the Avengers are getting impatient. Everything is coming to a boiling point with the two of you, and a caged animal is a dangerous animal.

They still hadn’t let you out. You guessed it was partly because you refused to tell them anything, and partly because of what you had said to James.

You had been caged for so long, how long could you stay here. You were trying to prove that they could trust you, but at the same time, you were scared to tell them anything. While you knew you couldn’t trust HYDRA, what if what they told you of the Avengers was true?

It would be so easy for you to break free of these manacles and burst out the window, flying to freedom, but then what? You had seen their resources. You didn’t need HYDRA and the Avengers chasing you.

Every now and then, a short man with black hair and a quiet demeanor came in, checking your status and asking you questions. You assumed he was the Dr. Banner the other doctor had told you about.

You never answered his questions.

And speak of the devil, the door opened. But before you could look up you felt a fist grab your throat. A cold metal fist.

You looked up in shock, seeing two piercing blue eyes staring back at you.

“How do you know me?” James asked.

“What are you talking about?” you gasped out.

“You called me Soldat. Only the people who interacted with me knew that. It’s what my...handlers called me.”

You laughed with the little air you had, “You think I was a handler?”

“No. But I think you and I knew each other at some point in our captures.”

Your eyes filled with tears and he quickly let go, thinking that he was holding on too hard. But your tears were for the memories he had forgotten.

“Well, you’re right. But it was for a short time,” you lied, “when they let you beat on me after I was disobedient. Punishment for me, training for you, entertainment for them.”

He scrunched his face, trying to remember. The same cute concentration face you used to tease him about but secretly love.

His face turned gloomy, “I can’t remember. But I’m so sorry.”

You smiled sadly and shook your head, “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t help it.”

He walked away, his fists clenched. You listened for the whirs of the mechanical gears and heard nothing. Another change in him.

You fell asleep, wishing your memories of him would leave so the pain would be over.

 

* * *

 

You woke up to someone shaking you awake. You blinked open your eyes and glared at the man in front of you.

He laughed slightly, “Sorry, we had to make sure you weren’t dead. You were out like the dead.”

“Sam, I think you’re scaring her,” Steve said.

Sam raised his hands in defense, “She got a problem with a brother?”

“I don’t have a brother.” You said, confused.

Sam laughed, “Damn, you need to learn some things. It’s like you lived over a rock.”

“Under,” James said.

“Huh?” Sam asked.

“The phrase is you lived under a rock. Not over.”

“What does it matter?”

“Well plenty, over would imply she knows-”

“Guys, cut it out,” Steve said.

You giggled, and everyone’s heads swiveled towards you in shock. You guessed you had been cold.

“Is something wrong?” you asked.

“No, we just need to know some things,” Steve said.

“I can’t talk about it,” you said.

“You need to.”

You shook your head and then Tony walked in with Natasha, “Listen, kid, we need to know if we can trust you. Do you want to be let out of those manacles? Do you want to be free?” he asked.

You didn’t move, feeling your heart rate speed up.

“Do you want to help us help people? Then you need to tell us what we know,” he said, his patience worn thin.

You shrunk back and Steve gave Tony a hard look, “Tony, you’re scaring her.”

“I’ll stop talking when she starts talking. Tell us what you know!”

You felt attacked, cornered, like a caged animal. With everything you had, you thrust your hands upward and broke through the manacles. You jumped up, seeing them spring to action.

But you had something they didn’t.

“Sit down and no one gets hurt,” Natasha said, her eyes kind. But you didn’t want to risk what could happen. The memories were too painful and the fear too great.

You backed up and smiled sadly, “I’m sorry.” you said to James.

Turning around, you ran and jumped through the window, shielding your face with your arms. The glass broke and you ended up with a few scratches, but nothing too bad.

You heard shocked screams but then you unfurled your wings, and they popped out of the back of your hospital gown.

Shooting up, you stopped at the fourth floor and saw weapons aimed at you, “Come back and nothing bad will have to happen.” Steve said, trying to hide his shock.

Everyone else looked ready to fight, but James stood still in amazement, “Y/N?”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will you escape? And what does Bucky remember?

You hovered in place, watching James’ eyes fill with tears, “I remember.”

You didn’t move, your face not betraying any emotion, “I don’t believe you.”

Just then, before you could move, you felt yourself trapped in a sea of red. You were moved towards the Avengers and saw the Scarlet Witch using her powers. You screamed and beat on the energy but it was no use. 

You were tossed into a short cylindrical cell. The walls were made of glass but when you beat on them they didn't break. You screamed and unfurled your wings. Flying as fast as you could (in such a small space) at the glass, you curled into a ball upon impact but nothing happened.

You fell to the ground, rubbing the bruises on your arms from the hit. Great, and now you were ugly crying.

It was the type of crying where tears flowed and snot fell and your face was red and blotchy. Nothing stopped it.

You fell asleep to the sound of your own sobs.

 

* * *

 

When you woke up you saw movement out of the corner of your eye. Shooting up, you saw James, Steve and Tony standing there arguing. Maybe a normal person couldn’t have heard them through the thick glass (or whatever it was), but you weren’t normal.

Clearly.

You listened and heard every word they said, “She’s scared. She isn’t going to hurt us!”

“Listen Snowcone, your memory is all messed up. And I know you don’t want to hear it but she doesn’t remember you. She said it herself,” Tony said.

“She never said that!” James yelled, “She said she didn’t believe me!”

“Okay, so now she definitely won’t attack us,” Tony said sarcastically.

“Listen, Buck, no one thinks you don’t remember her,” Steve said with a pointed look at Tony, “We just think she’s scared.”

Just then the three men noticed that you were up. You wiped your face and glared at James, “So you ‘remember’ me, huh?” You said with air quotes.

“Yes,” he said, a smile on his face, “I knew your name.”

“Anyone could find out my name. Hell, you might have remembered my name, but I don’t think you remember me.”

“I remember your face, your wings, your smile,” he said.

“Anything else?” 

Steve looked at James with a warning look on his face, “I feel like this is a trap,” he said.

James shrugged him off, “No, okay. But why does that matter?”

“Y/N, all you have to do is cooperate. Tell us what you know, tell us about HYDRA, tell us-” Steve said before you cut him off.

“Why should I? Because then you’ll let me go? I know how this game works, I’ve played it before. I tell you information and I’m still trapped.”

“Because if you want to go after you tell us information you can. But you have to let us say our piece too,” Tony said.

You stared them down, before nodding, “Okay.”

“I have a condition,” James said.

You nodded again, “If we’re going to let you go, then you have to say how you know me.”

You bit your lip hard enough to draw blood, the metallic taste dancing on your tongue, “Fine,” you said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened between you and Bucky? Will he remember?
> 
> (reader's powers based off of Max's from the Maximum Ride series by James Patterson)

You were sitting at a conference table. They hadn’t bothered with manacles this time, seeing as they were of no use. The Avengers sat across from you and everyone had been introduced. James, Tony, Steve, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Pietro, Clint, Rhodey, Bruce, and Vision. Even King T’Challa and Thor had showed up.

You sighed and started, “My parents created me in a test tube, but out of their DNA. 2% of me is avian, which is what gives me the wings. They designed them so they could melt into my body, so I would be normal enough to pass. They did it because they were already being chased by HYDRA (after leaving) and when my mom got pregnant with me, they wanted me to be able to protect myself. So they decided to develop me outside of her body.”

“Are the wings the only thing you have?” Bruce asked.

“No. I have enhanced vision and hearing, I have enhanced strength, and I can fly up to speeds of 300 mph.”

“After years of being on the run, when I was seventeen HYDRA captured me and...killed my parents.” You bit back tears, the pain still fresh after all these years.

“For years they trained me and tried to control my mind, but for reasons neither they nor I could understand, they couldn’t. When I was 24, I hadn’t obeyed during training and the Winter Soldier had just completed a mission. As a punishment for me, they tossed me into a cell with him and told him to attack me. He did and afterwards they tossed us into a cell together because someone was attacking their base. The Winter Soldier left and James was there. We started talking and when he noticed I was cold, he pulled me towards him and we fell asleep. After that, they kept us locked up together, laughing when we were kind to one another. After a few months we-” you cut yourself off, tears flowing, “I can’t do this. I can’t go back into the memories.”

You cupped your face in your hands and then you heard a chair being scooted back. And then arms wrapping around you. You looked up, startled and saw James rubbing your back, “You got this.”

“After a few months, we had fallen in love,” you fell James tense behind you and you laughed slightly, “and they noticed. They started punishing us by having the Winter Soldier beat me. James would always blame himself but I always told him it wasn’t his fault. Then after years, he escaped. They told me he thought I was dead and that he was never coming back. I guess they assumed I would break. But I didn’t.”

Everyone was quiet and James moved slightly away from you, holding his head in his hands, “I'm so sorry Y/N. I don’t remember any of this.”

You felt your heart plummet. You hadn’t tried to get your hopes up, but you had. Of course he didn’t remember you. Of course the person you loved more than life itself had forgotten who you were.

Without thinking, you ran out of the conference room. To hell what they did to you, you couldn’t be around him if he didn’t remember.

You heard people chasing after you and ran faster, but stopped when you heard James’ voice calling after you, “Y/N, wait!”

You spun around, your heart in your chest, “I remember!”

Time froze as you saw that signature smirk on James’ face. Without thinking you ran towards him and he caught you in his arms, your lips pressing together for the first time in years. As your fingers ran through his hair, you didn’t even have to think.

 

* * *

 

You lay asleep in Bucky’s bed, a peaceful smile on your face. Steve watched from the doorway as Bucky kissed your forehead and walked back to him.

“When are you going to tell her?” Steve asked.

“What?” Bucky asked, his face innocent.

“That you don’t remember anything except her name.”

Bucky blanched before lowering his head in guilt, “I can’t let her go. She knows me. She knows about part of my past. I need her.”

Steve walked away, shaking his head as Bucky tried to fight back tears, looking at you as if you had the answers to the secret of the universe.

And to him? You did.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter! I hoped you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another memory of Y/N reaches Bucky, but will he be able to look at her the same?

Dreams filled your head. Of course your brain wouldn’t let you have one night of peaceful sleep.

Blood filled a room with no doors or windows. You stood in the center, seeing your fate play out. Drowning in the blood, drowning the death and pain you had caused.

Until Bucky showed up. You had once called him James, until Sam had teased you about it and told you the nickname he had.

Bucky. You liked it. It fit him.

The blood rushed out of the room and you felt pure. Clean.

You wondered if your brain was getting any of this from the fact that you had heard Tony call Bucky Jesus.

But then your peaceful dream shifted back to a nightmare. Bucky fell down, blood spilling from his mouth. His eyes met yours and his mouth whispered an accusation.

_ You. _ He whispered.

You scrambled back. No, you would never have, you couldn’t have. 

You woke up to see Bucky shaking you and saw people gathered in the doorway.

“Y/N, are you okay?” he asked.

You nodded, trying to push back the tears. You were fine. Everything was fine, it was only a dream.

“It’s just, you were screaming pretty loudly.” Sam said from the doorway, “We thought you were being attacked or something.”

You shook your head and got up from the bed, “I’m just going to go for a walk.”

Bucky started to follow you and you put a hand out, “No.”

Everyone seemed shocked and you sighed, “I just...I need to be alone.”

 

* * *

 

The grass was wet and cold on your bare feet. You should have grabbed a pair of shoes but the walls had been closing in and you needed an escape. 

Thoughts raced through your mind, fighting to be the one at the forefront of them all. Your breath was shaky and coming out in short gasps. Fighting it off you breathed in slow.

Everything was fine. Everything was fine.

You sat against the side of the building, the metal cool against your back. And then you heard footsteps coming towards you.

Snapping your eyes open you saw Tony sit down beside you.

“We don’t have to talk. But I know where you’re at. So we can talk or we can sit in silence. But I’m not going to let you be alone. Not when you’re like this. So what do you want to do?”

You looked at him, smiling gratefully. He reminded you of another prisoner, one who had become like a brother. Until HYDRA had killed him, but you tried not to think about that.

“Can we just be quiet?” You asked quietly.

He nodded and rubbed your arm as you sat, feeling the thoughts calm down inside of you.

 

* * *

 

Stepping back into the compound you saw Steve and Bucky sitting at the counter, arguing about something. As soon as they saw you they froze and Bucky was on his feet, walking over to you.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

You smiled as Tony passed by, patting your back, “I feel a lot better. Hey, is that coffee?”

You hadn’t realized how long you and Tony had been outside until the sun had appeared over the horizon.

Steve nodded, offering you a cup. You grabbed it with both hands, savoring the smell. You hadn’t had coffee since you were seventeen, the morning of the day HYDRA had taken you.

“God, I’ve missed this so much,” you sighed, “do you have any sugar and creamer?”

Bucky got it out for you and you mixed it in. Memories were cropping into your vision. How your dad had teased that you drank more sugar and cream than actual coffee.

Taking a sip you felt the warmth move through your body and moaned in pleasure. Then your face grew red and you noticed more people had since walked into the kitchen. Clint was looking at you with a shocked look and Sam jokingly winked at you.

Sitting at the counter next to a sleepy Wanda and an already alert Natasha you tried to ignore the way they all chatted and laughed like old friends. Or how you felt left out.

God, spending your life with either your parents or HYDRA operatives/other captives had not made you the best at socializing.

Even as they tried to rope you into the conversation, you kept on seeming to fall short, not reading the right social cues, laughing at awkward moments, and eventually, you just got up, deciding to sit out on the balcony, letting the warm rays of the sun wash over you.

You sat out there for a few minutes before you saw a flock of birds in the distance, flying over the trees and soaring on the wind. Smiling, you unfurled your wings as they popped out through the cuts in your shirt.

You climbed on the edge of the balcony and jumped off before taking flight. You could feel the wind on your wings as your feathers ruffled and your hair blew back. A smile grew on your face as you whooped and cheered.

Moving back towards the compound you saw two metal things coming up beside you. Oh shit. Tony had warned you about the security bots and since they (the Avengers) weren’t sure about you, Tony hadn’t put you in the system as a non-threat. You being stupid had forgotten in your giddiness to fly.

As they moved towards you, ready to take you down, you dropped low and they collided for a second before moving towards you.

“Damn, I thought that would work,” you muttered, “Guess it’s the hard way.”

You grabbed one bot and swung it towards the other as hard as you could, and with your super-strength, that’s pretty powerful.

The two collided again and this time one went down. The other one flew towards you and you grabbed its head and kicked its “stomach”. Grabbing the back of its neck you felt the panel where the wires would be and took it off before grabbing all the wires and ripping them out. The bot fell down, its eyes dark. 

“Sorry Tony,” you said, even though there was no one in sight. He would fix it, hopefully.

As you flew back towards the compound, you saw Bucky standing on the balcony, watching you with admiration in his eyes. You landed beside him and furled your wings up.

“You know, Tony’s not going to be too happy about you destroying his bots like that,” Bucky said with a smirk.

You laughed, “It was either them or me and believe me, I care more about myself than some hunks of metal.”

Bucky started to laugh with you until he felt the cold wash of memories flood over him.

 

_ You stood in the center of a room, tears flooding down your cheeks. Two bodies lay in front of you, blood spilling from them and staining your hands. As you wiped your tears, you smeared the blood across your cheeks. _

_ Bucky stood watching in horror. The mission was supposed to take out only one person, their next-door neighbor, not this mother and her child. _

_ “James, I had to. They saw me leave the apartment, they would have reported me and HYDRA would have locked me back up. It was either them or me.” _

_ He couldn’t watch you as you radioed back to your handlers, explaining what had happened. All he could see was the seven-year-old boy on the floor, his throat cut open. _

 

Bucky felt himself being jerked back to reality as he listened to you continue to talk about how you wished your flight hadn’t been cut short. He pretended to listen but his mind was lost in that memory. Your fear and regret, hatred of yourself, and his shock and horror.

Perhaps it wasn’t a curse to forget.

  
  



End file.
